


Phil Coulson's Horrible, Terrible, Not at all Good, Summer Tour of Europe

by anarchycox



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Banter, F/M, Flirting, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Semi AU, Snark, melinda is not, phil is shield
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-05 23:50:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12805077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Phil is a very cranky agent of SHIELD. He is in the doghouse with Mace and has been sent to Europe to bring in a HYDRA defector. He has a description and a code name and makes successful contact. But he has to follow the woman around Europe prove that SHIELD is sincere in their offer. He hates that he is chasing after a HYDRA agent who is evil. Definitely evil. Mostly evil. With pretty hair. But almost certainly evil, why isn't the woman seeming more evil?Melinda May, bodyguard to Daisy Johnson who is doing a summer tour of Europe, just wonders what the hell is wrong with the guy following them and flirting with her rather badly.





	1. Italy

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution for the Philinda Big Bang 2k17. My thanks to Plechka for her absolutely adorable and incredible art and the encouragement she gave the story along the way. My thanks to reader olor-et-luna for you help.
> 
> I hope that you enjoy this ball of silliness.

“There is no one here that matches the description,” Phil said softly. His voice was easily picked up by his earpiece as he sipped a cappuccino in a small cafe in Florence. “We are fucked.”

“They’ll be there,” Mace said in that stoic I am your leader voice he used when talking to Phil. “This meeting has been arranged for months. They want to flip, and have all the information we need to bring a huge HYDRA cell down. We could cripple them for months, if not permanently.”

“And you actually trust someone who is that high up in HYDRA, that what they’ve magically had a change of heart?” Phil snorted a little. “Sure.”

“Look, Phil, they keep coming back again and again. With the information they want to give us in exchange for protection, we can end this, maybe for good.”

“Tell me again what to look for,” Phil sighed. It shouldn’t be him out here, but apparently this person wanted the best and Mace felt Phil was somehow soothing to people. Jemma had made a comment about his ‘dad’ factor putting everyone at ease. He was just thankful no one said the words ‘dad bod’ anywhere around him.

Also, maybe, just maybe, he was on Mace’s shit list. Just a tiny bit.

“Female, over 30,” Mace said. “No visible scars or tattoos. Will be dressed all in black.”

“Yes, it must be difficult to shed that being evil wardrobe. Imagine what will happen if they add some charcoal grey to their sartorial choices.” Phil dipped his biscotti into the coffee and chewed loudly knowing it would annoy Mace.

“Coulson, focus please. She’ll be carrying a book.”

“If it is fucking Eat, Pray, Love, Mace, I’m done,” Phil warned.

“Haha,” Mace did not laugh. “It will be a well worn copy of A Room With a View.”

“Italy, smart pick, a very vacationy pick.” Phil admitted. “Any code phrase?”

“It’s not coincidental that you’re here now, when one reflects on it,” Mace reads from his computer. “They’ll respond with I have reflected on it. It’s fate, everything is fate.”

“And what I collect them?” Phil asked.

“No, we do not extract them at this time,” Mace ordered. “We are just to make contact, if they decide they trust you, they’ll leave a sign of where they’ll be next and you’ll go there.”

Phil closed his eyes. “How long am I to play tag around Europe?”

“Consider it a working vacation,” Mace suggested, he sounded viciously please. “Woman, over 30, stupid romance book. End HYDRA while looking at good views and drinking good coffee.” He signed off without another word.

Phil looked around and had to admit that it was a good view, the fountain in front of him making a merry sound and tourists took photos and kissed. He signaled for another coffee, figuring it could be anywhere from a minute to an hour, the meet time had been vague. He looked around. There were a few women in all black but they screamed artist not assassin. And then a table left and he saw her.

She was gorgeous, but HYDRA had plenty of pretty people in their ranks. Definitely older than thirty. It was hard to tell her age but was more likely a over forty. Black head to toe, her feet were in combat boots, and he could tell she had at least three weapons on her. Yeah this was his person. The table was empty though. He watched and waited. After her slice of cake arrived, a book came out of her bag and it was pretty beat up, the cover faded, but it was the right book. He left some money on the table and walked over.

“It’s not coincidental that you’re here now, when one reflects on it,” Phil said quietly. He looked around to see if he could see any backup or suggestions that this was a trap. But he couldn’t spot anyone. Maybe she was legit. He stood there and waited.

She didn’t look up from her book. “I have reflected on it. It’s fate, everything’s fate.”

Phil smiled. Contact. He took a seat beside her. “So how do you want to do this?” he asked.

She gave him a withering look.

Phil had to concede that was pushy. “Coming in from the cold is a difficult decision to make.”

“Not really, one can’t stay out forever, not if they don’t want to die.”

Okay, so not switching sides because of a change of heart but figure their number is up soon, he can work with that. “I have a really cozy sweater,” Phil offered.

“Cozy sweaters are great,” she replied. She put the book down and stared at him. 

Phil had to admit her gaze was intense. And her eyes pretty. Shit, HYDRA people weren’t pretty, they were evil. Evvvvvvvil.

“Been spending much time in museums?” Phil asked. “I love them. All those quiet rooms, with paintings no one else cares about.” Take the bait, he thought, trying to put the idea into her head.

“I admit the museums here, not my taste per se,” she said. “But leaving tomorrow for Munich and the science museum there is supposed to be excellent.”

Of course a HYDRA person would be more interested in science than renaissance art. “Munich is a gorgeous city,” Phil said. “Trains to there?”

“Hmmm,” she idly agreed. “Now go attempt to flirt with some other tourist looking for a holiday fuck.”

Phil knew better than to push. He nodded. “I would keep you warm.”

She looked at him. “Perhaps, but doubtful.”

Phil left quickly and when he got to his hotel contacted Mace again. “Made contact.”

“And?”

“She is...undecided but did arrange a second meet in Munich. Figure that is as good as we are going to get right now.”

“How’s your German?”

“I can order beer well.”

“Get to Munich, bring her in.” Mace hung up.

Phil packed his bags and changed his car for something a little more comfortable. It was a nice drive, might as well do it in a nice vehicle.

**********************************************  
  


May kept reading and taking occasional bites of cake. 

“You know, I could have sworn I saw you making conversation,” Daisy said as she sat down. “Also, why was I the one walking around while you sat. You are my bodyguard, shouldn’t you be doing parameter sweeps?”

“I have trackers in your skin. Did it on the plane over,” Melinda answered.

Daisy frowned, wondering if it was true. Her one shoulder had ached a little. “Italy is gorgeous.”

“I hate pigeons,” Melinda put the book down. “And this is crap.”

“It’s romantic!” Daisy picked her favourite book up and held it close. “And dreamy and -”

“And what you expect the perfect man to just appear while you do this tour of Europe in between college and grad school?”

“It could happen,” Daisy pouted. “And you found vacation guy.”

“He spoke, I answered, then I dismissed.”

“He was cute for an old dude,” Daisy offered.

“Weirdest flirting ever, kept talking about the cold.” Melinda let Daisy have the last bit of cake. “Where next?”

“This museum,” she pointed to the map on her phone.

Melinda sighed. She had thought this would be an easy job, babysitter/bodyguard to a 22 year old girl wanting a bit of summer fun. It was good money and she got to poke around Europe. But she didn’t realize just how much energy Daisy would have. The next couple weeks were going to be interesting. God she hoped that pathetic flirtation with the fellow American wasn’t going to be the highlight of this trip.

****************************************  
  


Aida wondered at SHIELD’s daring to skip the meeting with her. They would pay.


	2. Germany

Phil was on day three at the science museum in Munich. It was a good museum, but not three days in a row worth. But he recognized a test when he saw one. She was clearly checking out his patience and perseverance. He had no doubt she was in the security system and watching to see if he was there. And so he wandered around the museum, pretended to sketch some planes and a submarine, ate at the cafe, bought a t-shirt. He was trying to act like a tourist. He really sucked at it.

He rounded the corner back to the plane section and there she was. Oh thank god, maybe all of this would be over. He went up to her, “A fan of flying?”

She looked at him in surprise. Damn, she was a lot better actor than he was. But hiding all that evil HYDRAness would take a lot of work. He wondered if they had an acting coach on staff. Trust falls, and tongue twisters. 

“What are you doing here?”

“You seemed excited about this museum and I am meandering, so I thought I would check it out,” Phil smiled. “It’s a...plane,” he finished lamely. He had walked through this room a bunch and not read a single plaque.

“Informative,” she said dryly. “It is a world war 2 era biplane,” she couldn’t stop herself and explained the plane closing with, “so you were less likely to burst into flames than the British planes at least for a while.”

“Fascinating. Is aeronautics a specialty of yours?” Phil asked. If she was, somehow he had fallen into a modern Operation Paperclip. He hated Von Braun, the damn nazi.

“I fly planes when I have the chance,” she answered. “Long way to come to flirt again.”

Right, she wanted to see how far they would go. “For you, I would go much farther.”

She tilted her head a little. Come on, I hate playing cat and mouse, he thought, especially when he was pretty sure he was the mouse. “Just how far?” she asked.

There we go. “As far as is needed to show you my sincerity.” He gave her a smile and tried to exude confidence. “I promise, I can keep you safe.”

“I can keep myself safe,” she said.

“I am sure you can. I have no doubt you are...resourceful.” Careful Phil, don’t let your scorn shine through. “But it is difficult always doing it by yourself isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to not have your back to a corner, to just rest and enjoy all these planes without worry that something was going to go wrong?” 

She looked around a little. “I was only going to allow myself 5 minutes in here,” she admitted. “I need to keep an eye a few rooms over, where they have the computer mock up room in place.”

Phil nodded, she was acting casual, but he could feel the stress on her. “Someone in that room need watching?” he asked quietly.

She sighed. “So much watching, I can barely keep track of them.”

“Descriptors?”

“Brunette, 22, likely bouncing,” she said.

“Enjoy your planes, let me prove you can trust me,” Phil said. “Do you need her removed?”

“No, just keep an eye, make sure no one touches her.” She gave him that stare again. “May,” she offered.

“That’s her name?”

“No, mine.”

“Hello May, I’m Phil, and I promise we’re going to take care of you.” Phil headed out and hoped to god it wasn’t an ambush. Sure enough in the room there was a girl taking a bunch of photos of the computers and babbling to anyone who would listen. She didn’t exactly look like a threat to May but then HYDRA agents often looked completely innocent. A man approached the girl and she brushed him off, but he wouldn’t leave. The girl kept inching away from him and he kept moving closer. Hmmm, May said this girl was watching her removing her from the equation could speed this along, but he bet it was another test. May said no one touched the girl, so no one would. He could remove the guy, but didn’t want to cause that sort of scene.

He would use the ‘dad’ mode that Simmons always complained about. “Mary Sue, I thought we were meeting at the cafe!” he called out and hurried over to her. “I know you are an adult and can take care of yourself, but you worry your old dad sometimes.” He hugged her and glared at the man. “Making friends?”

“Sorry, Dad,” she said quickly. “And no, this guy just thought he’d know more about computers than me, like I hadn’t just graduated from MIT or anything.”

“Well, I am sure you can excuse us?” Phil smiled at the man. It was not his friendly smile. The guy glared but left.

“Hey thanks,” Daisy said. “I could have taken him...maybe, but it would have caused a scene.”

“And a scene is the last thing you need,” Phil nodded understanding. “Getting noticed more than you already have would probably cause problems back home.”

“God you are telling me. It was a miracle I got this far.” Daisy looked at the man. “Hey wait, you were the guy trying to chat up May,” she said. “Oh this is awesome. She sent you in here on purpose, to what, make a point? I am so making her pay for that when we get back.”

Phil tightened his grip on the girl’s arms. “She has made her choices and if you don’t respect that, I will make you respect that.”

“Okay…” Daisy shrugged and was relieved when he let go. “You really aren’t good at this are you?”

“I assure you I am the best.”

“Bern,” Daisy said.

“Not burned yet,” Phil said. “Not unless you make me.”

“Bern, Switzerland, there is a music festival next weekend, that’s what’s next.”

“And how do you know that?” Phil looked at her. “Wait are you two really a double offer?”

“Well I mean we are travelling together,” Daisy said slowly, thinking the man was cute if a little thick.

“I will need to make sure this is all above board, but two isn’t a problem, I should think.”

“Not like a kinky two,” Daisy added quickly. “Because Ew.”

Phil tried not to sneer. “Not a problem. Not really my tastes.” He tended not to sleep with evil people. I mean there was that one time, but it didn’t count. He didn’t know they were evil until they tried to kill him with a camping spork.

“Okay then. Bern, music, better chance to score some points than here.” Daisy shrugged and went back to the computers.

Phil went towards the planes again and May was already heading in their direction.

“Problems?” she asked.

“Nope,” he smiled. “I can make it work. Until next time, May.” Phil needed to get word into the team. Bringing in a senior and junior HYDRA agent would be a huge coup.

May went over to Daisy. “Did he bother you?”

“Nah, did a solid rescue, but he is totally horrible at making conversation,” she said.

May nodded. “I wonder if he has been hit on his head a bunch.”

“Yeah, so what’s next?”

“We can hit one beer garden,” May offered. “I will not wear traditional clothes.”

“I’ll take it.”

************************************

Aida overheard enough, she would destroy them all in Bern.


	3. Switzerland

“Sir? I am not sure that is the correct look for a music festival,” Jemma said into the comms.

Phil looked in the mirror. “I’m casual,” he protested.

“For a jazz festival, not one that has djs and rock stars.”

“You look like a fed,” Fitz added helpfully.

“I kinda am,” Phil pointed out. But he took off the blazer, which meant taking off the holster. “I’m naked.”

“Do you have a t-shirt and jeans?” Jemma asked.

“Sure but they are pretty beat up, I hiked in them while waiting for the assignment.”

“Even better,” she reassured him. “And your glasses.”

“Why my glasses?”

“Because it is likely there will be a lot of smoke of...a variety of sources and your eyes will bother you at some point,” she explained.

“So...lots of weed?” Phil stripped down and put on the old jeans and tight t shirt. “What weapons am I even going to have?”

“Ankle sheath for a knife, and last I checked, Fitz did a wonderful job on your hand,” Jemma’s voice was tart, defense.

“Apologies,” Phil said sincerely. “This is just such a useless chase.”

“Two assets, Coulson, big ones,” Jemma reminded him. “Mace actually taking you off shit duty and letting us all be a team again."

“Anyone figure out what lodged that pole up his ass yet?”

“No, sir, but it is still firmly wedged in there.”

“Right, well off to try to find two people in a crowd of thousands, wish me luck.”

“Good luck sir,” Jemma said. She paused. “We do miss you.”

Phil smiled a little. “I miss you guys too,” he said and hung up. They really were great kids. He wanted to get back. And maybe just maybe by the time he returned Mack would have made a move on Elena. He could hope.

He took the shuttle bus to the festival. It was...It was busy. He had to find two short people in this sea of bodies. It was going to be impossible. He made his way around the outskirts of the crowd and couldn’t see much, and it was going to get worse as the night went on. There was only one thing to do. He made his way to the front of the crowd, which was almost impossible. He stole a VIP pass off a girl taking a hit off a pipe and made his way to security. He got a look but the man let him through. He made his way backstage and ran into someone with a guitar.

“You on next?”

“I’m a tech,” the guy said.

“Even better. When tuning and checking can you say into the mic ‘it’s fate, everything’s fate, May at the west gate t-shirt booth.”

“Are you serious?” the guy asked. Phil opened his wallet and handed over 2/3rds of his cash. “Okay, I can definitely do that.”

Phil made his way back, even managing to return the pass to the girl who was giggling a great deal. He went and stood in the shadows of the booth and waited. He kept a sharp eye out, and hoped he wouldn’t have to do this again tomorrow night. It was very loud and kind of gross here.

“Was that supposed to be impressive?” May asked from behind him.

Phil did not jump, years of training stopped that but he was annoyed that she had got the drop on him. “A little?” he asked as he turned around.

“How?”

“Well, I thought of a way to find you in this giant ass crowd,” he said. “At this point my perseverance and dedication to your being brought in has to be noted.”

“Brought in? Where am I being brought?” May looked at him. “I had you pegged as normal American assholoe but are you a serial killer?”

“Ha ha,” Phil looked around the crowd. “Where’s junior?”

“Daisy is getting a bottle of water, 10 metres down,” May said.

“No she isn’t,” Phil replied scanning the crowd. He watched May tighten her jaw, her whole posture change.

“We find her now, or it’s all over,” she said.

“Understood,” Phil agreed and they both walked to the drink booth and began to scan the crowd. People easily parted a way for them through, the look on May’s face terrifying. It didn’t take them long though because Daisy found them. “Hey, Melinda!” she said cheerfully.

“You weren’t where you were supposed to be,” Melinda said.

Phil made note of the first name.

“I know, but I was a bit hungry so I was going back to the food and there was a guy selling brownies,” she said happily.

“Oh no,” Phil said. He looked at her and she looked fine right now, but. But. “You ate one?”

“Three,” she answered. “The guy said something about me being hardcore, but like they weren’t even that sweet.”

“Oh no no no,” Phil shook his head. He looked to Melinda who looked like she was going to murder the brownie seller.

“We need to get you out of here,” Melinda said.

“But the band I want to see isn’t on for another hour,” Daisy looked at them. “What?”

“Those were pot brownies,” Melinda explained. She went behind Daisy and started to push her towards the shuttle vans.

“No, I wouldn’t be that stupid, they were at a booth,” Daisy said. “Well beside the booth. Oh fuck, I’m an idiot. But three isn’t so bad right?”

“I can handle this,” Melinda told Phil as he fell in step beside them.

“Really? Because I get the feeling this is going to go very poorly.”

“She gets high off of two tylenol,” Melinda answered.

“3’s, lots of people do,” Phil said.

Melinda shook her head. “Regulars, not even extra strength.” They got on the bus. “This is going to be painful.”

“Hey, I did pot once,” Daisy protested. “And it was fine. Mostly fine. I deleted all the campus security footage. And technically it was a contact high.” Daisy hunched down. “We are so fucked.”

“You have a drug kit?” Phil asked.

“No,” Melinda said. “Never worried about Daisy and drugs.”

“I do, I’m staying at the Waldorn,” Phil said.

“We’re only a few blocks from that,” Melinda said. She gave their hotel and room number. “We’ll get settled you come back with a kit, and an explanation as to why you have one.”

“I’m sure you know the explanation,” Phil pointed out.

Melinda gave him a look. “I can think of three and in one you don’t come across well.”

“Then stick with the other two.”

Daisy was breathing slowly, trying to keep herself calm. “How long until?”

“30-45 minutes,” Phil said. Melinda nodded in agreement.

“What if I make myself sick?” Daisy asked. “Because I can do that. I can puke like a champ.”

“It’s already in your bloodstream, sweetie,” Melinda said. “All we can do is have you drink water and ride it out. Phil’s getting a drug kit, to make sure there weren’t any fun additions in the weed.”

They all got off the shuttle and Phil ran for his room and grabbed the drug kit and a couple trackers to slide into luggage. He also threw some of his licorice and other snacks into the bag and ran for their hotel. He hated to say it, because junior evil was going to be suffering shortly, but this was perfect for him. This would certainly show them that he was trustworthy and the right one to bring them in. He had this and he could return home, get settled in with his team, because he was kind of sick of Europe, good coffee notwithstanding.

He wanted SHIELD's really shitty coffee.

He made it to the other hotel in excellent time and knocked on their door. “How is she?” he asked when Melinda let him in.

“It’s beginning to hit her. She is talking about her senior thesis.”

“How is that bad?” Phil asked. He walked properly into the suite and Daisy was pacing and gesturing and. “Is she?”

“Speaking in binary? Yup,” Melinda rolled her eyes.

“Okay then,” Phil said. “Fitz is going to love her.”

“Who?”

“Member of my team, engineer, nerd. He’s going to love her.”

“She isn’t into dating right now, she is still ‘finding her inner singleness’” Melinda quoted.

“What the hell?”

“Bad break up,” Melinda said. “Part of all this.”

Phil stared at Daisy and then at Melinda. “She’s coming in because she got dumped?”

Melinda stared at him. “Why do you keep saying it like that?” She shook her head. “Never mind. We need to test her.” Melinda walked over to Daisy. “Sweetie?”

“Yo?” Daisy snapped out of her rambles. “Oh hey cute old guy who likes Melinda, how’s it hanging?” Daisy looked at his jeans. “I’m guessing to the left?” She giggled and then made a face. “Ew, I just checked out old guy junk.”

Melinda gave her a glass. “Drink some more water, and let Phil take a blood sample.”

“I don’t like needles.”

“It’s barely a prick,” he promised and he came over with the reader that Simmons and Fitz had created. “More like checking your blood sugar.” He pushed up her shirt sleeve and jabbed her. He waited a minute. “Blood is okay,” he said, relieved. “Now the other test.” He handed her a wand.

“Not pregnant, that implies more than my vibe has gone up there, and nothing has for months,” Daisy said.

“So, weed makes us an over sharer. Would have thought that would disqualify you. A weakness like that, surprised they let you in.” Phil froze as she began to sob.

“They haven’t yet,” Daisy wailed. “Why don’t they want me? What did I do wrong? I’m Daisy Johnson, I’m brilliant and I have a lot to offer!”

Melinda glared at Phil and grabbed the pee test. “It’s okay sweetie, sometimes grad programs take awhile to send out their letters. You’ll get in. Now let’s go pee on this okay?” Melinda guided her to the bathroom and Phil took the chance to plant a few bugs and to try to think through the situation.

Because Daisy was just not adding up.

Unless...Phil nodded to himself. Daisy wasn’t a junior HYDRA agent, she had been trying to get in, and May realized that Daisy would likely end up dead in a couple weeks and was trying to save her.

Not as good a get, but with her computer skills, she could still be an asset. He sent a quick text home telling them to look into the names Daisy Johnson and Melinda May. Sure they were aliases, but still a lot could be learned.

They came back out and Melinda gave Phil the pee stick and smiled when a bit landed on him. “Oops,” she said.

Phil tested the urine and was relieved. “Everything suggests that it was just pot in the brownies, no lacings.”

“So now we just ride it out,” Melinda said.

“Ooh can we go riding? I like riding. Mostly d, but hey horses are great too,” Daisy said.

“Right,” Phil said. “Hey I have licorice?”

“Sweet,” Daisy said. “Gimmie.”

Phil gave her the snack and she dove it. He went and sat on the couch and Melinda sat next to him.

“Have enough time to bug us?” she asked.

Phil smiled. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“Right,” she said. “Just tell me you weren’t sent by my mother.”

“I can assure you, not from your mother,” Phil replied. “Why would I be sent by your mom?”

“Because she generally disapproves of my life choices,” Melinda explained.

“A reasonable response, I would think,” Phil answered.

“Charming,” Melinda said. “But still it wasn’t flirting, it was recruiting, what you were doing. I have to point out though, you are shit at it.”

“Hasn’t been my job in years, but boss is pissed at me, so here I am.”

“Yeah, I get the bad boss thing.”

“Mine isn’t bad, just...I don’t even know, he’s still new,” Phil said. “I’m guessing yours crossed some sort of line for you and that is why you are doing what you are doing?”

“I work solo,” May said.

“Sure,” Phil agreed. “But we all answer to someone at some point.”

“True,” she agreed. Daisy started singing and dancing. They watched her in silence for a bit. “Did you ever have a few paths laid in front of you and you walked down one, and it took way too long to realize it was the wrong path?”

“No, it was the right path, but it had a few rather nasty pit stops,” Phil said after a moment.

Melinda nodded. “I didn’t want my mother’s career, no matter that it would have well suited me. Only in rejecting that, it just all...30 years later and I am trying to keep a computer nerd safe from the road I walked down.”

“You have a heart,” Phil said stunned. “I didn’t think your sort did.”

“We have hearts,” Melinda said. “Most do. You think it is right, every job has problems, and you ignore for as long as you can.”

“That is a hell of a lot to ignore.”

“I can focus to a problematic degree.” Melinda looked at him. “Show me your credentials.”

“I am not carrying any right now,” Phil said.

“Bullshit,” she countered.

“Can we find a bull to ride?” Daisy asked, interrupting.

“No.” Melinda pulled out a tablet and set it to a slowly morphing image. “Hey look at this.”

“Wow,” Daisy said slowly. She collapsed to the ground and traced her figure around the image.

Phill pulled his badge from his pocket and handed it to Melinda.

Melinda opened it. “You know, you can tell a lot about an institution based on their photos.”

“Mine is rather horrible,” he said.

Melinda looked. “Phillip J. Coulson, Agent of SHIELD.” She smiled. “It is a horrible photo. The worse the photo, the better the agency. Mother used to say that all the time.”

“It actually is a fair assessment,” Phil said thoughtfully.

Daisy dropped down beside him and looked. “Oh dear, that makes you look half dead.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve never half died. When I commit, I commit. Only full dead for me,” he joked.

Melinda could tell it wasn’t a joke.

“I want pizza,” Daisy said. “Can we go back to Italy?”

“Not, tonight,” Melinda said. “Besides, remember you booked us that masquerade party in Monaco next weekend, said you wanted something that felt all James Bond experience.”

“Ugh, I would climb Daniel Craig like a tree,” Daisy sighed.

“Me too,” Phil agreed. They looked at him. “What? He’s attractive. If I were ever to be interested in a guy, I could see wanting to tap that.”

Daisy looked at him and then at Melinda. She was very sure she was subtle, but she fell off the couch doing it. “So what is your type?”

“Strong, competent women, are great,” he said easily.

“Blah blah blah,” Daisy said. “Give the answer you’d give a dude.” She waved a hand and then kept waving it back and forth, fascinated.

“Dark hair, strong hands, firm legs,” he said finally, surprised by his honesty. These two disarmed him in ways he never expected.

“Oh really?” Daisy answered. “Ohhhhhh reallllllly?”

“Hey, doesn’t that bedspread look like it has secret constellations and maybe hidden messages in it?” Phil suggested and it immediately distracted Daisy who went over to investigate.

Melinda still had Phil’s badge. Stared at the logo. SHIELD had been one of the roads she had considered a long time ago. “Tell me you are the good guys.”

“I can tell you we try. No agency is perfect, but we fucking try.” Phil looked at her. “Melinda, I hate the road you walked down, but if you are ready to switch, we are here for you.” Phil and Melinda stared at each other, neither blinking. Melinda looked ready to say something important and then they heard Daisy cough.

“I’m going to be sick,” Daisy said and ran for the bathroom.

Melinda handed Phil his badge back. “I need to take care of her. You should go.” She stood up. “I didn’t know it was the wrong road.”

“At first sure, but at some point like you said, you noticed and you stayed on it,” Phil said. “I don’t like that about you.”

“I don’t like a lot about me most days, you joining in on that is no big deal,” Melinda said. “And I’m changing now.”

“Yeah, you are,” Phil agreed. He let himself out quietly. When he got back to his hotel room, he just didn’t know how he felt. He needed quiet and shut down all his connections to home base. He pulled out his badge and saw a ticket to the ball in Monaco Melinda had mentioned.

Looked like he was going to need a tux. He wondered what Melinda would wear and was annoyed that he was intrigued by the possibilities.

Melinda held Daisy’s hair as she puked and tried not to think how in other circumstances, Phil would be exactly her type.

***************************************  


Aida killed the man with the pot brownies that got to Daisy before she could. Hers had been laced with horse tranqs as well as the weed. She left her pan on a table for some people in the crowd to find. She didn’t care, she was getting ready to destroy everyone in her path.


	4. Monaco

Phil was annoyed. Getting a rental tux in Monaco was proving difficult. Finally he handed a company credit card over and bought off the rack and paid for it to be fit better. Mace could deal with the expense, the man had said bring her in by any means necessary.

Apparently a dark wine coloured tux so dark it looked almost black, with a half skull mask was necessary. It made him think of Robbie, and that was worth a smile. He had them deliver it to his hotel and went for a walk by the water. It was beautiful there, but felt like so much excess. He could blend well enough, but for him, a cold beer on a couch with the right person would be so much better than champagne and yachts. He wondered if this was Melinda’s way of checking how much funding SHIELD had. He would hate to admit it, but they had less than HYDRA. Multiple nations combined had less money than HYDRA.

He wanted to go home. He wanted his team and he just wanted not this. He was trying not to be too mad at May for dragging this out. But still, defect already. He went back to his hotel and had a shower and contacted his team.

“What’s the word?” he asked. He could hear some gun shots. “Report,” he said sharply.

“It’s fine,” Mack answered. Phil heard the retort of a shotgun. “Mostly fine.” More swearing and screaming. “Probably fine.” Phil waited. “Dammit Fitz, stop trying to talk to the sentient ooze and get a flamethrower or something.” Mack hung up the line.

Right, so much for getting the dirt on May’s cover story and real name before the party tomorrow night. He decided to go to a casino.

He lost. A pretty woman with long dark hair tried to chat him up, but he politely extricated himself and watched football for the rest of the night in a language he didn’t speak.

The next day he wandered around and tried to connect to the office a few times to no avail. Eventually he had to get ready for the party. He refused to travel in the mask and carried it until the cab dropped him off at the hotel the party was at. He put on his mask and went in and had to admit he was impressed.

The ballroom was beautiful, dark but lit with what seemed like thousands of candles. It all had a very theatrical look. There was a full orchestra and people were swirling around the dance floor. He grabbed a glass from a tray that went by and began to scout for his mark. He anticipated May in all black and likely pants. He didn’t imagine her in a huge ball gown like some women.

Phil walked about for half an hour without seeing his goal but people were still pouring in. He found some decent canapes and put his back to a wall where he had good sight lines. It would be nice to be at an event like this with someone on his arm. He thought of Rosalind, of Audrey, of the lack he has felt for so long even when he has been in love.  But he had made choices, he always made choices. And there were no regrets.

There were hundreds of regrets, but he would never voice them.

He scanned the room again and saw someone, that he was pretty sure was Daisy, though the dress was a lot more princessy than he expected. And if it was her, Melinda would be near by, keeping her safe. Phil detached himself from the wall and walked over. He gave the woman a deep bow and then smiled. “I trust we have avoided brownies in the last week?” he asked.

“Funny,” she said. “I ate...I don’t even know what I ate, Melinda won’t tell me, says I would be too scarred for life if I knew.” She looked at him. “The devil? Really, you don’t seem the bad boy sort.”

“He wasn’t a bad boy, just misunderstood. At least according to his associates,” Phil said. “May I have this dance?”

“You May,” Daisy’s smile could be seen between the curls of gold in her face mask. She pointed behind him.

Phil turned around.

Crap, she was gorgeous. Half her face was hidden by the black feather mask, but her eyes shone through. Her hair was in a low bun and the dress white and black, with the black bow and sparkle, made her look so long, so tall. He wondered how high her heels underneath the hem were.

“Dance?” he asked.

May nodded. “Daisy, follow the rules or your plans for London are over.”

“I know,” Daisy huffed. She disappeared into the people, looking for food and chances to flirt.

“You sure she isn’t your daughter?” Phil joked as he lead Melinda to the dance floor.

“Trust me, very sure. I have met her mother three times, piece of work is the kindest phrase I can offer.” Melinda paused and then put her hand on his shoulder.

Phil’s hand settled on her midback. “If you are saying that, she must be pure evil.” He began to move them around.

Melinda tilted her head a bit. “Not evil, just determined with very large plans for Daisy in her private company.”

“You went private,” Phil pointed out.

“And look how that turned out,” Melinda responded. She smiled just a little bit. “Though this moment is better than most.”

Phil smiled back automatically before he forced the expression back. He spun her out and brought her back. “This is a good moment?” he asked.

“I think it could be the start of one,” Melinda said quietly. “If I were to take your offer, would I see you again?” 

“Why?” Phil asked. “If you are worried about treatment, you won’t be treated poorly. SHIELD has strict policy about bring ins. It is a hard choice, one that can get you killed if you aren’t brought in in time. That is to be respected. I mean, it can be hard to make friends, when people know who you used to work for, but your files will be sealed so no one takes revenge for anything you were previously involved in.”

“Revenge?” Melinda was radiating confusion.

“You have to expect that a bit,” Phil pointed out. “But I can make sure to stay around for a while to help you adjust.”

Melinda watched him carefully. “We could have tea? I could ask you questions?”

“Sure,” Phil nodded, he knew this was just about sealed. He could get them on a plane tonight. They swung around the ballroom and Phil realized that he had been slowly pulling her in closer. She kept pulling him in, no matter that he knew what she was.  He was beginning to wonder if he would even care eventually.

“I can regularly be found around base,” Phil said when the silence started to grow heavy between them.

“What about off base?” Melinda asked. She stopped dancing and stepped on her toes to kiss his cheek. “What’s SHIELD fraternization policy?”

Phil swallowed. “Flexible, though you’ll be kept on base for a time until we are sure you aren’t a double spy.”

“For whom?” Melinda said. “My mother? Like the C.I.A. doesn’t know what SHIELD is up to.” Melinda paused. “Well to be fair, their director is an idiot these days. So maybe not.” She grinned expecting to see Phil to smile.

Phil stopped dancing. “Enough,” he said firmly. “We both know who you are, stop with all this.”

“Stop what?” Melinda pressed. “And I know who you are too, former director Coulson. I made some calls.”

Phil pushed his mask on top of his head. “Job titles are tricky things. And easy to find.”

“Not so tricky. Not as tricky as Tahiti,” Melinda said. Phil’s grip on her wrist tightened.

“That just proves who you are, and that you need to stop playing.” Phil glared at her. “You have me at a disadvantage, though, my people got a little busy and haven’t broken your alias yet.”

“Alias?” Melinda asked, confused.

Phil pulled her outside onto the balcony and into a small alcove. “Stop the charade. My team hasn’t cracked the name Melinda May yet, the work on you was good. But we know that you are an evil bitch who is just trying to save their own skin by defecting to SHIELD. And Director Mace has decided to take you in, because with your knowledge we can bring HYDRA to its knees and maybe all the way down. You are already welcome, you don’t need to play the seductress. It doesn’t suit you anyways. No matter how gorgeous you are.” Phil pressed her into the brick wall and their faces were a few inches apart. They stared into each other’s eyes, his face exposed, hers still covered. “Stop.”

“I am not trying to seduce you, right now I want to break three of your ribs,” Melinda countered. “I don’t know what Tahiti is, other than it is tied to you. How does that proves anything? Who is HYDRA, they’ve never hired my bodyguard services. You were the one who flirted, in order to recruit me, and I can’t believe I almost fell for the bumbling act.”

Phil slammed his hand into the bricks beside her head. “Stop lying, what do you gain at this point? You work for a company that commits genocide, that destroys the world, or attempts to. And I always beat them back and they keep coming. So whatever plan was finally a bridge too far for your grey morals, if it will stop them from killing more people, then I’ll buy you all the tea you want, and keep you alive. But you cut out the bullshit now.”

In a blink Melinda had turned their positions around and had him pinned against the wall. “You are insane, and I want you to stay away from Daisy and I, and if I see you again, I will put you in a hospital.”

“You called us!” Phil shouted. “How am I insane? You are the one playing games.”

“No, Coulson, I am the one that called and you managed to fuck up, just like you do with everything involving HYDRA.”

Phil and Melinda looked over at the voice. A woman was standing next to Daisy and Daisy looked terrified. Melinda started to lurch forward, until a slight angle change showed the gun against Daisy. Melinda stilled.

“Plans have changed,” the woman said. “Coulson, you disappoint me, after everything Mallick wrote in his notes about you. You couldn’t even pick out the right woman in a cafe.” She looked at Melinda. “Oh take off the mask, this isn’t black swan.”

Melinda reached for the ribbon, but it was tangled in her hair. She felt Phil’s fingers gently push hers away and carefully undo the mask. He let it slip off her face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Melinda kept her eyes on Daisy. “I don’t care,” she answered.

Phil nodded. This looked like going to shit was going to be an understatement.

“I have a car, let’s go, or the girl learns what a gut shot feels like,” the woman said.

“Who are you?” Phil asked.

“Aida,” she said. “Around the office some people called me Madame HYDRA. I always had them killed.”

Phil swallowed. He had to keep Melinda and Daisy safe, this was all his fault for not paying attention, for being mad at Mace, for being stuck in yet another cosmic fuck up.

They all went into a limo and Aida hit a button and the three were knocked unconscious. Melinda tried as she blacked out to wrap herself protectively around Daisy, and Phil put himself between them and Aida.

The last thing he heard was, “Oh it is far too late to protect them.”


	5. England

“Coulson, wake up,” May shouted. She had been shouting it since she came to and would keep shouting it until it worked. “Coulson!” she roared.

“What,” he groaned back. “My head hurts.” He blinked and slowly things came into focus. “Oh shit.”

“That doesn’t even cover it,” she said. “Daisy isn’t here. I don’t know where she is or what they are doing to her. I am going to kill you.” It was said calmly, coldly.

“Yeah, that’s fair. So much for my get out of the doghouse mission,” Phil rolled his neck and looked around the room. It was a grey cell. Really similar to what they had at the playground actually.

“That’s good, I’m glad you can joke about your fuck up that is getting a completely innocent girl tortured right now,” May snarled and fought her restraints.

“You’ll just hurt yourself,” Phil warned.

“Then I hurt myself,” she snapped back.

“Think May, being mad at me and scared for her, won’t get you very far, or anywhere at all,” Phil answered. “We need to come up with a plan. Because they are going to come for us and that will be our best chance.” He looked at her. “I need you to be honest right now.”

“Honesty has never been my problem in all of this, now has it?” May smiled at him. Phil wondered if a smile could make a man bleed. And he really should not find it gorgeous.

“What are your skills?” he asked. “Because we will need to fight. And I need to know how much you can handle.”

“More than you.”

“Details,” he ordered.

“Martial arts, gun certified hand and assault rifles. Not the best with a knife but serviceable, adequate computer skills. I’m a bodyguard, some experience in extractions.”

“Okay, I am great with guns and planning, decent at hand to hand. And these guys made a big mistake.”

“What’s that?” she asked. “You carrying something they missed?”

“Sort of, they never took my hand.”

Melinda was about to ask what the fuck, but the door opened and two men dragged Daisy in. She was awake but bloody and crying. Melinda snarled at the guards and they just laughed.

“We have a message for you.”

“Ooh, is it menacing? I always appreciate a nice menacing kidnap message,” Phil said, trying to draw their attention to him and not Melinda. A guard came over and pistol whipped him. Melinda snorted at that a little bit and Phil figured her enjoying that was reasonable with how huge his cock up was.

“Now we’re not going to share it, leave you wondering what she has planned next,” the other guard said. “Don’t worry, don’t think your girl here is going to die.” They laughed and left.

Melinda fought her restraints even more. “Daisy, Daisy hun,” she pleaded. “Talk to me.”

Daisy began to sob.

Melinda fought her restraints so much she tipped her chair over. “Daisy, I’m so sorry.”

Phil looked at Daisy. “She’s faking,” he said.

“Go to hell, Coulson,” May said, horrified at his callousness.

“Yeah, I’m totally faking,” Daisy agreed. She looked up and her lip was puffy and split, her one eye was swollen shut. There was blood in her hair and she was clutching her ribs. “I mean I am in a lot, like a lot a lot of pain right now, but maybe played it up a bit. And moron guard didn’t even notice me lift his keys. Remembered your lessons, May.” Daisy crawled over to Melinda and released her restraints. She then went and did Phil. 

Phil began to check Daisy’s injuries until Melinda flat out pushed him away. “Don’t touch her.”

“I’m just trying to help," Phil said softly. He didn't like that Daisy was hurt, it was making him sick. But he was good at checking field injuries.

You want to help, get us out of here."

“I’m okay, May, promise,” Daisy said. She coughed and spit out some blood.

“No you aren’t.”

“No, I’m not, but I can’t focus on that until we get out of here. And we’re getting out, right?” Daisy looked between the two of them. “May will kung fu everyone who gets in our way, and you’ll like bumble our way to freedom?”

“I can do a little better than bumble,” Phil protested.

“Really because you tried to recruit the wrong person, and got us all kidnapped by someone who seems pretty fucking crazy,” May pointed out.

“This has not been my best mission I admit,” Phil said. “But I will get us out of here, and make reparations to you both.”

“It will cost, because I want secret spy computer shit.” Daisy wiped some of her blood away, trying her best to be brave.

“I want a plane.”

“A plane?” Phil stared at May. “A PLANE?”

“Just get us out of here,” Melinda said.

“Jesus, how the hell am I supposed to get you a plane?” Phil muttered to himself. “Mace is going to demote me to desk work as it is. He might even take my team away.” He tried all the keys and they didn’t work. 

“Shit,” Daisy said, leaning on Melinda.

Phil just held out a hand. 

They stared at him. “Do you want a handshake?” May asked.

“Right sorry, used to having people around me with incendiary devices,” Phil explained. “Hold out a hand, get a bomb.”

“That’s...that’s kind of cool actually,” Daisy said.

“No it isn’t, you are going to grad school,” Melinda replied.

“Yeah, but bombs?” Daisy pointed out. 

“Grade inflation, too much needless work, a skeevy prof, and one who is amazing, doesn’t that sound better?”

“Not really?” Daisy said thinking about it.

May sighed, “It never did for me either,” she agreed. She looked at Phil. “So?”

“So we hope that it is an electric lock on the other side,” he said and pressed his hand on the door. There was a sound and a spark and then the door popped open. “I....did not expect that to work,” Phil admitted. He waved at the guards on the other side of the door.

Melinda cursed. “Down,” she yelled and ran and jumped. She didn’t question it, that Phil dropped on her word, just used his back for extra momentum to barrel into one of the guards and take him down. She used that guard's gun to take another down and heard a noise behind her and spun. She was surprised to see Phil dealing with three guards with relative ease.

He looked at her once done. “I’m actually really good at my job.”

“Get us out of here alive and I’ll concede you aren’t the worst ever,” Melinda said. “Daisy stay in between us.”

“Should I steal a gun too?” she asked looking at the two of them stripping down the guards for anything valuable.

“You ever do shooting beyond Call of Duty?” Phil asked.

“I prefer Battlefield,” Daisy offered.

“Right. Have a rape whistle and pepper spray,” Phil handed her the couple objects.

“I feel so safe now,” Daisy smiled and it started her lip bleeding again.

“No one here is going to touch you again,” May promised. She looked at Daisy. “I will kill them before they can.”

“That’s a little creepy, May,” Daisy said.

“Kinda hot,” Phil shrugged.

“Right, well thanks for changing my definition of creepy,” Daisy said. “We escape now? My mom’s going to be shitting a brick that I haven’t checked in, in what I am guessing is days.”

Phil rubbed his cheek. “Less than you think. Shadow, not stubble. No more than 36 hours since kidnap, I’m guessing.”

Melinda nodded in agreement. “Less probably, not worth it to keep us drugged up once here. Too much work, too much room for error. 24 hours max.” Phil gave her a smile, which Melinda ignored. “You want point?”

“Yeah, I’m use to HYDRA bases, they tend not to have imagination. Shouldn’t be too much work to find a computer. Or a way out.” Phil started walking and the two women followed. “I would like to take this chance to apologize again for thinking you were a -”

“Evil?” Daisy filled in.

“Criminal mastermind?” Melinda offered.

“You were in all black and reading the code book!” he protested. “You matched the description I was given.”

“Because it is so shocking that someone would read Room with a View while in Italy on vacation,” Melinda would have rolled her eyes if she wasn’t trying to stay focused.

“All in black? Like a spy?”

“Like someone who packs light and all black is easy to match?”

“You were in the right age range, over 30.”

“I’m 50,” Melinda said.

Phil stopped walking. “Are you fucking serious? What the hell is your skincare regime?”

“Is this the time?” Daisy asked. “Can the weird flirting wait until we are safe?”

“I don’t flirt with idiots,” May said.

“Okay but he’s trying real hard right now,” Daisy countered. "And you sort of are flirting with him, May."

“I -” Phil sighed. “Right, let’s just get out of here.” He turned a corner. “There that room with have a computer system.”

“How can you be sure?” May asked.

“Instinct and decades of experience.” Phil kicked in the door to what was a janitor’s closet.

“Right,” May said. “Go instinct.”

Daisy stifled a laugh and Phil glared at them. He looked around the room and went to the breaker box. He flipped a switch and a panel opened up.

“Oh it’s Christmas,” Daisy ran forward and started typing furiously.

“Instinct,” Phil said smugly. 

May ignored him and went to stand guard over Daisy. This wasn’t the worst situation she had even been in but it was damn close. She just wanted to get the girl out of there. She still wasn’t sure what HYDRA was, but it couldn’t be good. May watched Daisy type and could tell Daisy was getting tense. “Daisy?”

“This people are really really bad,” Daisy whispered. “Like Captain America needs to wipe them out bad.”

“He tried, it didn’t take and he got busy with aliens and robots. We’ve been trying but...they are hard to take down,” Phil explained. “What did you find?”

“Something called Life Model Decoys?” Daisy looked at him. “This is a facility for them.”

Phil’s jaw tightened. “We need to get the two of you out of here and then I need to -”

“No,” Melinda said firmly. “Explain.”

“Robots,” he said. “Pretty much indistinguishable from people. Like your wife, your doctor, no one would know. You could replace the president and it is doubtful people would realize until it was too late. This facility needs to be destroyed.”

“Why bring us here, why not some deserted building and just kill us?” Melinda asked. “This is a crap plan.”

“See that’s the good thing about crazy super villains, they always want to show off,” Phil said. “Daisy, can you do anything interesting?”

Daisy hummed for a couple minutes, and typed furiously. “Okay uploaded a ton of bad porn that should crash systems and cause some viruses and then for some real fun….drum roll please,” she spun in her chair and crossed her arms. The sprinklers all went off. “Oh, that was meant to unlock every door. Hang on.” A little bit of typing later. “There we go, building is open now.”

“Map?” Phil asked leaning over her. 

Daisy typed a little bit more. “Here we go,” she said. 

Phil scanned it a bit. “You two can get out there,” he pointed he looked around and found some paper. He wrote down an address and some numbers. “Safe house in London, passcodes to get in. You get there and you call that number at the bottom and say the phrase Agent Carter always complained about the rain but never carried an umbrella. That will get you someone from my team, you tell them about this place.”

“We can’t just leave you,” Daisy said. “Not if you are going to do something stupider than what you’ve already done.”

Melinda looked at Phil carefully. “Yes we can.” She understood that Daisy injured and with some self defense taught from Melinda would only be a liability. And that Melinda wouldn’t prioritize him over Daisy which would mean she would barely count as back up. It was better for him if they left. “Let’s go,” she said.

“But -” Daisy looked at Phil. “But I like the idiot and he’s going to die.”

“I’ve died before, it doesn’t stick very much,” Phil reassured her. “I fucked up. So I am going to unfuck it up, and you two are getting out of here.”

Melinda pulled Daisy up. “Coulson,” was all she said and she began to pull a protesting Daisy out of the room.

Phil went in a different direction of them and made a hell of a lot of noise to cause a distraction. He needed to make it up a level to where there was what looked like a munitions area. If he could make that blow up, it would hopefully destroy enough to cripple this division. He ran into some guards and either evaded or took them out. It was a slog but he was making it through.

Phil reached the level that he wanted to and found the room. God bless Daisy for blowing all the locks. He went in and stopped. It wasn’t a munitions room. It was a store room for some of the LMDs.

He stared at row after row of Mace’s face.

Phil reached out and touched a cheek. They felt real, as good as the one’s SHIELD had built before abandoning the program. He wondered if they had gotten the idea from HYDRA or HYDRA them. He supposed it didn’t matter - for too long it had been one and the same.

It had to be destroyed. He looked out in the hall and no one was there. He searched and eventually found what he was looking for. He grabbed C4 and detonators and ran back to the storeroom. He set it up with a 10 minute lag time. He could get out in 10 minutes.

Phil left the room and turned the corner to go back and down to where May and Daisy left from and there was Aida and 20 guards. Phil smiled. “Hi there, think I’m a little lost?”

“I hate you,” Aida said.

“There is a lot of that going around right now.”

“I offer you everything,” she said. “EVERYTHING. HYDRA on platter. It could have been yours.”

“You still can,” Phil said. “I made a mistake, but we can fix it now.”

“No, you had a million chances to notice that she didn’t respond the way she should have, a million chances to see that nothing fit and you didn’t,” Aida sneered. “Because you were attracted to her. If my shirt had been a little tighter in Italy would you have noticed me?”

Phil looked at her. “It wasn’t because she is gorgeous. She fit the vague profile I had and I went with my gut. And the pieces fell into place.”

“You made them fall into place,” she countered. “You wanted it to be her, so you carved and cut and pushed at the pieces to form the picture you want.”

“Perhaps,” Phil said. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t still make a deal.”

“Yes, it does.” Aida nodded to her guards. “He is unfortunately still wanted. Bring him along. But if he struggles, kill him.”

“Might want to move quickly, kind of rigged a bomb. Oops,” Phil smiled.

“You mean this bomb?” A guard said coming up behind him, holding up the wires.

“Yeah, that one.”

“You really aren’t as good as your reputation suggests,” Aida said sadly. “I am though.”

“So am I,” Melinda said and appeared behind the guards.

A few seconds later there was a series of explosions that rocked the building. Phil didn’t think just ran forward and put his shoulder down knocking people over. He made it through and grabbed Melinda’s hand and started to run.

“Our exit has been compromised, we need an alternate route,” Melinda said as they ran.

“Define compromised.”

“The first explosion sound,” she said. “South exit.” They skidded around another corner and Melinda shot the two guards in front of them. There was another explosion.

“How did you rig that many explosions?” Phil asked as they hit a stairwell.

“Didn’t,” she said and bounced off the wall too much momentum as she ran down the steps. “Daisy did something, basically created a waterfall blowing gas lines through the building via their system. Something about their destruction fail safe being too easy to crack.”

“You were supposed to get her out,” Phil said.

“I did, she is out and on the way to the safe house,” May glared at him as they burst through a door. “But I couldn’t leave you to die.”

“Why not?” Phil asked. It was his turn to take down the guards they ran into it.

“Because,” she answered.

There were a few more explosions and they found a door marked exit. They opened it and saw that it was a balcony overlooking the Thames.

“Right. Back in?” Phil asked.

“No time,” Melinda said. They heard a noise and looked up to see a helicopter.

“Crap so much for her getting caught in the blasts.”

“They’ll send someone better than you after her, they’ll catch her. She has too much hubris not to be caught.” Melinda climbed onto the railing.

“I”m a good agent. I trained Avengers,” Phil said. “And what are you doing? Do you know how filthy the Thames is?”

“Do you know how much it hurts to be blown up or caught in a collapsing building?”

Phil climbed the railing. He took a deep breath and they both jumped. The water was cold and disgusting and he lost Melinda in it. He surfaced and looked around. He couldn’t see her and dived back into the water. There was not a thing to be seen and he was just blindly reaching out. He surfaced and went back under a couple more times and thought he felt hair. He prayed it wasn’t a dead body and groped around. He realized he grabbed hold of the person’s chest and would have cursed if he wasn’t holding onto the last bit of air he had. He realized she was caught on some wire and pulled her loose and they made it to the surface.

They were both gasping, aching from the jump but they swam to shore, the current pulling them downstream a little bit. They lay down. They knew they had to move and fast, but it seemed really hard.

“Why’d you come back?” Phil asked.

“Because I’m betting SHIELD has great dental and a pension,” she said.

“We do,” he agreed. “If you live, you are well taken care of. And they provide really lovely funeral services. Apparently mine was quite nice.”

Melinda snorted a laugh.

“Those are your reasons?” he asked.

Melinda rolled her head to look at him. “And one more.”

Phil inched a little closer to her. “What’s that?”

She smiled at him, a shark’s grin, but maybe, just maybe he saw a hint of affection underneath it. “Because I want to see if you are actually a decent agent, like you say.”

“I am,” he promised.

“We’ll see,” she replied. “We need to move.” She thought about getting up, but then just sort of didn’t.

They heard a car and then people shouting.

Melinda tensed.

“My guys,” Phil said. “Down here!” 

“Sir, do you know how many diseases are likely in the Thames?” Jemma began to scold.

“I am sure you do, and will happily share.”

“We got the girl in the van, she’s...interesting,” Mack said.

“She’s going to be on our team, so play nice.” Phil got himself up. “So is this woman. Once they finish training.”

Melinda looked at him. “We are?”

Phil held out a hand to her. “Welcome to SHIELD, May.” He smiled hopeful, willing her to agree.

Melinda shook his hand. “You still owe me a plane.”


	6. Italy Redux

_18 Months Later_

“What’s the mark?” Melinda said into her comm. She was back in Italy for what she hoped was the final test to become a full field agent.

“Man, early 50s,” Daisy said into her ear. Apparently tech training was much quicker and she had already been with Coulson’s team for 6 months. May wasn’t jealous. Never mind the reports she read, and the videos she saw of them.

Of Phil.

Dammit she wanted to be assigned to that team. She had the best marks even though she had decades on the rest of the people in her cohort.  “Do we have more than that?” she asked.

“Yup,” Daisy said cheerfully. “Glasses, thinning hair, caucasian. Likely to be dressed like a history teacher. Little dorky.”

“Anything I’m supposed to say when I meet him?” Melinda scanned the crowd. There weren’t many outside, it was a pretty grey day out.

“Affirmative,” Daisy said. Melinda knew her enough to know she was trying not to laugh.

“Daisy…” Melinda’s tone held a warning.

“It isn’t possible to love and part,” Daisy said softly. “They’ll respond with 'I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal'. From Room with a View, since we’re back where we started. Nice right?”

Melinda hadn’t had heard from Phil in a month. They had been exchanging weekly emails and a few phone calls. He had visited her at Christmas. “Sure, nice.” She scanned the crowd again and didn’t see anyone. She decided to check inside the cafe.

And there was Phil.

Because of course he was. And looking like a teacher, Daisy was right about that.

“You’re dead,” Melinda whispered.

“Worth it,” Daisy sang. Melinda took her ear piece out and stepped on it. Let SHIELD charge her. Melinda walked over to Phil who was pretending to read.

“I’m not saying it,” Melinda warned.

Phil didn’t respond, just flipped a page.

“Not saying it,” Melinda crossed her arms and stared at a wall. Phil turned another page. She rolled her eyes. “It isn’t possible to love and part.”

Phil put down his book. “I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.”

Melinda sat across from him. “So what was all this then?”

Phil grinned at her. “Hello,” he said.

“Coulson,” she nodded. He handed her a set of keys. “What are those for?”

“Your plane,” Phil said. “I owed you one, I believe.”

“Those are the keys to a Toyota,” she pointed out.

“Metaphoric keys to the plane,” he said. “The keys for the plane are with the plane.”

“I don’t get to fly until I am a fully certified SHIELD agent,” Melinda said.

Phil was almost bouncing. “You are.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a file. “Your assignment. I had to do a great deal of bribing, blackmailing, and in one instance use some contacts to trap a man in a bunker in Siberia to get you. You were in high demand, May.”

“I’m in?” Melinda stared at the paperwork.

“You are. And you’re mine,” Phil said. “Our first mission is in 90 minutes. Plane is 20 minutes away.” Phil signalled and a waiter brought over a small pot of tea and a few delicate cookies. Phil put his hand on the table palm up. “We’re both agents now. There are no fraternization policies so long as it doesn’t affect the job. Do you know, Melinda May, how we might kill those 70 minutes?”

Melinda lay her fingers on top of Phil’s. “Sitting here and talking seems like a good way to pass the time.”

Phil squeezed her fingers. “So do you even like A Room with a View?”

“It’s grown on me,” Melinda smiled and didn’t let go of Phil’s hand.


End file.
